Sunday 26 January 2014

SELF-HARMING - MY VIEWPOINT



Key Words in this Blog, respectively disagree - there is always an underlying reason - deny a personal truth - need to compensate for pain – release pain privately - a place to belong - false sense of feeling loved or liked - I am not the only one -faceless place - false identity -searching to discover a true identity of self - accept it exists - in the eyes of the world she had everything but she didn’t - not understanding why - not feeling wanted.

When a person intentionally hurts themselves it can be a way to express difficult emotions. Self-harm can be used as a means of releasing pent-up feelings of pain, anxiety, distress or anger. It is used as a way to cope.  But there are other ways of coping. 

·        Talk to a family member or a good friend
o   You might be worried about their reaction and afraid they’ll think you’re just looking for attention. It’s very likely, however, that they’ll honour your trust with kindness, compassion and love.
·        Talk to a therapist
o   Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger than to relatives or friends. During talking therapy, a trained therapist listens to you and helps you find your own answers to problems, without judging you. The therapist will give you time to talk, cry, shout or just think. It’s an opportunity to look at your pain in a different way with someone who’ll respect and encourage you. 

15 year old Tallulah Wilson’s recent suicide has propelled self-harm back into the headlines. Journalist, Sarah Rainey writing in a recent article in The Telegraph Newspaper directs criticism and an element of responsibility towards the many Pro Self-Harm sites which have sprung up online. 


Yes – Pro Self-Harm sites are dangerous but I would respectively disagree that they are entirely to blame. We do not know why Tallulah was hurting herself and indeed it may be fair to say Tallulah may not have consciously known why she consistently harmed or injured her body. What we do know, from historical accounts provided by those affected is that there is always an underlying reason. When we deny a personal truth, we generally need to compensate for pain, by numbing the pain with alcohol or drugs. This has changed in recent times; self-harm has partly replaced substance abuse, why? It is more accessible, every home has sharp objects, a teenager does not have to leave the safety of their own bedroom, and they can release pain privately. No-one ever needs to know. 

So, why are the forums filled with so many teenagers telling their stories? It creates a place to belong. The forums are a community, creating a false sense of feeling loved or liked.  The forum initially demonstrates to the person self-harming, I am not the only one. Alas even in such a faceless place as the internet, the person may create a false identity, moving to a new level of escapism while searching to discover a true identity of self

We as parents are a peculiar bunch, we baulk at the possibility of something dark or dirty living in our families. Take the simple head-lice; have you ever said this as a parent? Or heard it said when a parent discovers the lice on their child’s head! “Ah head-lice only live in healthy clean heads ya know” Instead of making excuses we need to accept it exists then move to actively do something about it. 

Tallulah Wilson had a private school education, in the eyes of the world, she had everything, but she didn’t. We as parents work hard to provide for our young, we make sacrifices we work long hours. And herein can reside part of the difficulty, if you are a parent reading this; cast your mind back to your childhood, the best and the worst. The best may have been times of togetherness and the worst may have been times of separation. If you are a teenager reading this, cast your mind back into the recent years the best and the worst. The best may have been times of acceptance and togetherness and the worst may have been separation and not understanding why. And feeling the events are a reflection of you not feeling wanted. 

If you are self-harming the best way of dealing with it is to TALK, TALK, TALK, TALK, TALK, TALK, TALK, TALK and if you feel no-one is listening, then KEEP TALKING UNTIL SOMEONE HEARS YOU.

Blame is a worthless exercise; it achieves nothing, as parents don’t be afraid to acknowledge a problem, as teenagers don’t be afraid to speak your truth.

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