Key
Words in this Blog, respectively
disagree - there is always an underlying reason - deny a personal truth - need
to compensate for pain – release pain privately - a place to belong - false sense
of feeling loved or liked - I am not the only one -faceless place - false
identity -searching to discover a true identity of self - accept it exists - in
the eyes of the world she had everything but she didn’t - not understanding why
- not feeling wanted.
When a person intentionally
hurts themselves it can be a way to express difficult emotions. Self-harm can
be used as a means of releasing pent-up feelings of pain, anxiety, distress or
anger. It is used as a way to cope. But there are other ways of coping.
·
Talk to a family
member or a good friend
o
You might be
worried about their reaction and afraid they’ll think you’re just looking for
attention. It’s very likely, however, that they’ll honour your trust with
kindness, compassion and love.
·
Talk to a therapist
o Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger than to
relatives or friends. During talking therapy, a trained therapist listens to
you and helps you find your own answers to problems, without judging you. The therapist
will give you time to talk, cry, shout or just think. It’s an opportunity to
look at your pain in a different way with someone who’ll respect and encourage
you.
15 year old Tallulah
Wilson’s recent suicide has propelled self-harm back into the headlines. Journalist,
Sarah Rainey writing in a recent article in The Telegraph Newspaper directs
criticism and an element of responsibility towards the many Pro Self-Harm sites
which have sprung up online.
Yes – Pro Self-Harm
sites are dangerous but I would respectively
disagree that they are entirely to blame. We do not know why Tallulah was
hurting herself and indeed it may be fair to say Tallulah may not have
consciously known why she consistently harmed or injured her body. What we do
know, from historical accounts provided by those affected is that there is always an underlying reason. When we deny a personal truth, we
generally need to compensate for pain, by numbing the pain
with alcohol or drugs. This has changed in recent times; self-harm has partly
replaced substance abuse, why? It is more accessible, every home has sharp
objects, a teenager does not have to leave the safety of their own bedroom, and
they can release pain privately.
No-one ever needs to know.
So, why are the
forums filled with so many teenagers telling their stories? It creates a place to belong. The forums are a community,
creating a false sense of feeling loved
or liked. The forum initially demonstrates to the person
self-harming, I am not the only one.
Alas even in such a faceless place as
the internet, the person may create a false
identity, moving to a new level of escapism while searching to discover a true identity
of self.
We as parents are
a peculiar bunch, we baulk at the possibility of something dark or dirty living
in our families. Take the simple head-lice; have you ever said this as a parent?
Or heard it said when a parent discovers the lice on their child’s head! “Ah
head-lice only live in healthy clean heads ya know” Instead of making excuses
we need to accept it exists then move to actively do something about it.
Tallulah Wilson had
a private school education, in the eyes
of the world, she had everything, but she didn’t. We as parents work hard
to provide for our young, we make sacrifices we work long hours. And herein can reside part of the
difficulty, if you are a parent reading this; cast your mind back to your
childhood, the best and the worst. The best may have been times of togetherness
and the worst may have been times of separation. If you are a teenager reading
this, cast your mind back into the recent years the best and the worst. The
best may have been times of acceptance and togetherness and the worst may have
been separation and not understanding
why. And feeling the events are a reflection of you not feeling wanted.
If you are
self-harming the best way of dealing with it is to TALK, TALK, TALK, TALK,
TALK, TALK, TALK, TALK and if you feel no-one is listening, then KEEP TALKING UNTIL SOMEONE HEARS YOU.
Blame is a worthless exercise; it achieves nothing, as parents don’t be
afraid to acknowledge a problem, as teenagers don’t be afraid to speak your
truth.
